my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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