And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
