we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
