we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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