i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
