Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
we're making bets on your personal life
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
