Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
