Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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