I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
