whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
