That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
