Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
