Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
