im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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