If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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