i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
