I'm really into asian looking animals
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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