i jhust puked up my retainher.
i was born a porn star she said
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
