My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
