I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize