please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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