I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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