I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize