it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
