I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
