I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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