I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
