So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
it's great music for shaving your balls
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
