I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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