I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
