so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
