Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
