I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
