your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
