mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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