i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
