I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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