I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
