I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
