if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
