oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
