Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
