dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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