Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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