if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
