His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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