I wish I could punch you in the face.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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