Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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