She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
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