oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize