Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Everyone says I win the strip club
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
