Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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