I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
