i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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