why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
