it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
