careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
