He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i think my cat just said my name.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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