oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
