If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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