She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
