i need an iv and a liver transplant
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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