I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Verdict: uncircumcised.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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