Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
