He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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