Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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