i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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