At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
