There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
