I heard we made out
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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