So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
