I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
