Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize