Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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