Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
